


Couples' Discount

by CactusPot



Category: Total Drama (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friendship, Gen, One Shot, Post-Canon, TDWritersLoveandFriendshipWeek21, Valentine's Day, fake dating except at the end they're still friends lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:40:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29477109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CactusPot/pseuds/CactusPot
Summary: “Sweet! What’s the prize?”“No prize, just fun.” Anne Maria gestured to the directory. “In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, let’s each buy each other somethin’. Nothing big or whateva. You catch my drift?”“Sounds good to Lightning! We talkin’ a twenty-dollar limit?”“Yeah, twenty works. Then we can meet up at the nail parlor in ten minutes.”~~~Written for Total Drama Love and Friendship Week
Relationships: Rudolph "Lightning" Jackson & Anne Maria
Kudos: 7





	Couples' Discount

“Yeesh.” Anne Maria sucked in a breath after reading another one of Zoey’s ‘long distance is hard’ texts. “Glad that ain’t me.”

It was late afternoon and she lounged on her bed, painting her fingernails a bright fuchsia color. Usually, she’d watch a movie or somethin’ while she worked, maybe an episode or two from her favorite reality shows (and no, Total Drama wasn’t one of ‘em). Not today, though; today, the Revenge of the Island ‘Chris McLame Hate Club’ chat was spilling over with messages, and that was just as entertainin’ to her.

The texts had started with a variety of ‘Happy Birthday, Zoey’ kinda stuff. It just made sense that _Zoey_ of all people was born the day before Valentine’s Day. After those niceties had been dispensed, the conversation had shifted, and now the kids in the chat who actually _had_ significant others—three couples, totalin’ to six people, which was, crazy enough, almost half the cast—were comparing their plans for tomorrow’s holiday.

Brick: _Jo and I are going rock climbing :)_

Sam: _dinner and movie_

Sam: _dakota picked donkey kong_

Zoey: _Lucky!!_

Zoey: _Mike and I are long distance again haha_

Zoey: _hope you guys have fun_

Other people jumped into the chat: Cameron attempted to console Zoey, Jo and Scott laughed at her misery, and Mike and Dakota both sent a variety of heart emojis.

For her part, Anne Maria snorted. “At least you _got_ a boyfriend, Red,” she said to the phone. No, this wasn’t ‘bout the whole Vito thing. That had been a year and a half ago, she was so over it.

This was about the fact Anne Maria’s whole Toronto friend group was cuffed. On every other day of the year, Anne Maria liked being single; meant she could spend more money on herself. But listen, if all her friends were out on mushy gushy dates, who was _she_ supposed to spend the day with?

Anne Maria dipped the brush into the polish and started a second layer on her left ring finger. The polish clumped together and honestly? It was not up to standard. Only reason she was usin’ such a shoddy paint was that she was tryin’ to finish out the bottle before buying a replacement; she was thrifty like that. 

On the upside, if Anne Maria was home alone on Valentine’s Day, no one would be around to see her trashy nails.

The chat was still buzzing with new messages. Sometimes it went days without a peep, but when it popped off, it popped _off._ Staci had sent a long-winded explanation of how her granddad invented candy hearts or whateva. Scott insisted the candy was good but the holiday was overrated.

Scott: _the whole day’s rigged. Just makes you spend more money than u need to_

Zoey: _No it doesn’t_

Zoey: _My mall does a lot of couples’ discounts. So actually you SAVE money_

Scott: _whatever. my point still stands_

Jo: _Someone’s mad because his only GF dumped him two days after they got together_

Lightning: _when did Scott get a girlfriend??????_

Zoey: _Omg!! Speaking of Scottney_

Zoey: _Do u guys wanna do a video call when the episode airs tonight?_

Scott: _dont call it that, weirdo_

Lightning: _sha-who is Scottney??_

The conversation shifted from Valentine’s Day to planning out the evening’s video call. Anne Maria would be watching the latest All Stars episode, _obviously_ , but for the time her gaze flicked between two things: Zoey’s ‘couples’ discount’ remark and Lightning’s name.

‘Cause fun fact: out of everyone she’d met on Total Drama, Lightning lived closest to her. They both called Toronto home—during the school year, at least—and so if she _was_ gonna hang out with anyone from the Revenge cast, it’d be him.

She spent the rest of the nail-painting session formulating a plan. When her nails were pretty much dry, Anne Maria picked up her phone and called Lightning.

“Wassup, girl!” He answered immediately. “Lightning knows what you’re gonna say, and no _way_ is he watchin’ an episode he didn’t compete in!”

She rolled her eyes. “You say that every week, doll. Join the call once and a while, it’ll be fun.”

“Maybe,” Lightning replied in a tone that suggested he’d probably forget about it within the hour.

“I wasn’t callin’ about that though.”

“Whatchu need, Anne Maria?”

She examined her manicure as she spoke. “So listen, I got a great idea.”

* * *

Her Valentine’s gift from the universe was a blanket of snow. That she had to drive through to get to the mall. It was times like these when she wished she lived in Jersey full time. It wasn’t warm beaches all the time, but it wasn’t as friggin’ freezin’ as this. She could deal, though.

_I mean, at least I get to_ rock _this jacket_. She trudged through the snow-covered parking lot. On anyone else, her coat’d look like a giant magenta marshmallow, but she was _Anne Maria_ , for Pete’s sake. She could make anything work.

As soon she walked through the mall doors, Anne Maria spotted Lightning admiring himself in the reflection of a display case. He looked the same as when they’d last hung out at Christmastime: white hair, muscular build, gold glasses. Only difference was today he wore a blue-and-gold scarf. Jeez, this guy loved gold. Anne Maria couldn’t blame him, though. He looked great in gold.

“Ay, Lightning!” Anne Maria waved as she drew closer.

Lightning pried his gaze away from the glass and jogged over to her, a confident grin on his chiseled features.

“Anne Maria!” He went in for a high-five, and she slapped her palm against his. “Happy Valentine’s Day!”

“You too.” She smiled at him. “This is gonna be a blast, I swear.”

They walked through the mall. It was one of the largest in Toronto, but it was also out of her way; she’d only been to this particular mall two or three times. Despite that, Anne Maria walked with confidence, as did Lightning.

“So, what happened to all your other friends?” Lightning asked.

“Eh.” Anne Maria listed each name off on her fingers. “Crystal’s makin’ a day of it with her good-for-nothing boyfriend. Beatrix has dinner scheduled for later, but she spends the _whole_ day gettin’ ready. Her hair? Rivals mine. And Dana has a blind lunch date.”

Lightning hadn’t met her friends, so it was impossible for him to match names to faces. He nodded along anyway. “Sha-dang, you really are all alone on Valentine’s Day.”

“Well so are you, ain’tcha?”

He puffed out his chest. “Lightning ain’t ever alone. Lightning’s got me, myself, and me! Sha-bam!”

“Sha-bam indeed,” Anne Maria said, smirking ever so slightly. “So, whaddya wanna do first? I was thinkin’ mani-pedi, but I dunno how many other deals we’ll find in this place.”

Lightning stopped walking momentarily, forcing Anne Maria to stop along with him.

“What?” she asked.

Then he went in for a kiss.

“Hey!” Anne Maria jerked away and instinctively whipped out a hairspray. Best thing about beauty products: they doubled as weapons. “Don’t _touch_ me or the hair!”

“If we’re not kissing, how are people gonna know we’re a couple?”

She hadn’t been plannin’ on getting _too_ into character. They weren’t actors, after all. Anne Maria’s lips pursed as she mulled it over. “Fine. We’re gonna hold hands, ‘kay?” She slipped her pretty fingers into his brutish ones. “Let’s save the mani-pedis for last so you won’t scuff up my nails.”

“Sounds good to Lightning.” He beamed.

They resumed their stroll through the mall. Lightning walked kinda too fast. Maybe that was an athlete thing. Or maybe it was ‘cause he was like nine inches taller than her, even with the wedged boots she was wearin’. Whatever the case, Anne Maria had a hard time keepin’ up. Several times she tugged on his arm to slow him down.

“Yo!” Anne Maria’s eye caught, and she pointed at a poster slapped across the Tim Hortons’ kiosk. “You hungry, big guy?”

“Sha-starving!” Lightning proclaimed.

They walked into the Tim Hortons empty-handed and walked out with two dozen heart-shaped donuts of the red, white, and pink variety.

“What a _steal_!” Anne Maria opened the lid of her donut box. The second dozen had been free, which meant the day was off to a great start.

Lightning peered at his box. “Lightning isn’t sure if he should be eating a whole case of donuts.”

Lame. She’d heard the same arguments from Brick and Jo on several occasions. Athletes thought they were so high and mighty, not eatin’ sugar. “Give your leftovers to me, hon. These babies go straight to the hips.” She patted her thigh affectionately.

They found a spot in the food court to eat their donut lunch. By no means did Anne Maria have a sweet tooth, but these donuts were _delicious_. Maybe it was the holiday. Or the pink frosting. Or the heart shape. Or maybe it was just the company she was with.

After all the donuts had disappeared, Lightning stood up and flexed. “Alright, mani-pedis?”

“Mani-pedis,” Anne Maria confirmed.

They stopped at a directory map to double-check where the nail place was, but that proved to be distracting. There were just _so many stores_.

“Aw, look.” Anne Maria pointed out several shops under the ‘beauty’ category. “I could shop here all _day_.”

“ _Same_ ,” Lightning agreed. His gaze was laser-focused on the ‘athletics’ category. “Lightning needs some new footballs.”

Anne Maria glanced from the map to Lightning. So they were both avid shoppers, huh? That could be fun. She fiddled with one of her dangly hoop earrings.

“Okay, toots, change of plans,” she announced. “We’re gonna make a game outa this.”

“Sweet! What’s the prize?”

“No prize, just fun.” Anne Maria gestured to the directory. “In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, let’s each buy each other somethin’. Nothing _big_ or whateva. You catch my drift?”

“Sounds good to Lightning! We talkin’ a twenty-dollar limit?”

“Yeah, twenty works. Then we can meet up at the nail parlor in ten minutes.”

That’s when they split up. Lightning went left, Anne Maria went right.

Her first stop was a kiosk on the mall’s upper level. True, Lightning’d been looking at the directory’s sports section. But sports weren’t Anne Maria’s jam, so she’d stick with something way funner: jewelry. “Can I help you, miss?”

Anne Maria looked up and down at the skinny salesclerk. “Yeah. You got anythin’ under twenty?”

The peeved look on his face suggested no, they didn’t, and he was offended she’d suggested it. He recommended a shop on the lower level, and so Anne Maria jetted off to check out the place. It was way cheaper without bein’ a total bargain-bin, which was perfect, in Anne Maria’s opinion. She liked to think she had a talent for turning trashy into glam.

_Okay_ , she thought as she browsed, _no way Lightning’s gonna wear anything that_ isn’t _gold_. Or, at least, a gold imitation. If it was in the same color family, Anne Maria doubted he’d notice if it was a different metal.

“Clock is tickin’, girl,” she reminded herself. That’s when her eyes fell on the perfect pair. Gold huggies like the ones he normally wore, except they twisted up like braids. Heck yeah, he’d rock those babies.

She scooped the pair up and presented them to the clerk. “I’ll take ‘em! Oh and couldja wrap it nice? Like with a ribbon?”

“That’ll be a five-dollar addition.”

Anne Maria shrugged. Even with that, the total was still under twenty. Talk ‘bout a steal.

The saleslady small-talked as she wrapped the gift. “Last minute present for your partner?”

“You got it, girlie,” Anne Maria said. “He’s _super_ high maintenance.”

“And you’re shopping _here_?” The clerk’s pierced eyebrow rose.

Anne Maria laughed. “He doesn’t need to see the receipt!”

After the earrings had been wrapped and paid for, she strutted back into the mall’s blustering halls. The nail salon was also on the bottom floor, so she didn’t have to walk far. As it turned out, Lightning was already waiting in front of the entrance.

“I beat you!” he crowed once she was in earshot.

_Of course he turned it into a race_. Anne Maria cocked her hip. “Just means I put more _time_ and _effort_ into getting your gift,” she teased. “So who’s the real winner?”

“Still me, if your present’s that good!” He outstretched his palm expectantly. Like a toddler wantin’ a lollipop.

“Impatient much?” The words were bark with no bite, and she was smilin’ as she passed the teeny box to him. “What about mine, doll?”

Lightning withdrew his other hand from behind his back, revealing a tissue-stuffed pink paper bag. She snatched it eagerly and glanced up at him.

“D’ya wanna go one at a time or all at once?”

“On three,” Lightning decided. “Ready, set, _hut_!”

That wasn’t on three, but Anne Maria opened her present anyway. Pushing tissue paper aside revealed a blue-tinted vial of perfume.

“‘Endless Weekend,’” she read off the label. “Ay, this is awesome! Thanks, doll.”

“Figured you like spraying stuff,” Lightning answered. He was examining the earrings. “These are sha-mazing, Anne Maria!”

“I know.” She smirked in self-satisfaction. “I’m _good_.”

Gifts in hand, Anne Maria and Lightning walked into the massage parlor.

“Wassup, bro?” Lightning nodded to the receptionist guy. “My girl and I wanna take advantage of your couples’ massage thingy.”

“Got any slots open?” Anne Maria added, batting her eyelashes just a lil’ bit. What? Couldn’t hurt.

The receptionist sniffed. “Usually we require our clients to make appointments, especially on _special_ occasions.”’

“Don’t get all snooty with me!” _What’s with this mall and its stuck-up employees_? Anne Maria got right into his face, and it was pretty satisfying to watch his hoity-toity look get replaced by discomfort. “Do you or don’tcha have a slot for us?”

“Erm, let me check.” Receptionist Guy got back to his computer and scrolled. Her foot clicked against the tiled floor impatiently. _We don’t got all day for this_.

Finally, Receptionist Guy looked back at her. “ _Fortunately_ for you, we had a cancellation fifteen minutes ago, so one of our nail techs is open.”

“Sha-score!”

“ _One_ nail tech is open.” Receptionist Guy looked between them. “That means you’ll have to take turns.”

She shared a glance with Lightning. “Sounds good to us,” she decided for the both of ‘em.

The receptionist left to get the nail tech. In the meantime, Lightning piped up. “You wanna go first?”

She considered it, then shook her head so that her hair bounced. “I’ll give that honor to you. It’s your first mani-pedi, after all.”

“Who said it was my first?”

“It _isn’t_?” News to her.

“Lindsay painted my nails after we got kicked off All Stars. Didn’t Lightning mention that?”

“First off, you didn’t. And second, that doesn’t count! She’s not a _professional_.”

The nail tech came back, and Lightning ended up going first. Anne Maria sat by his side and watched. She talked a little bit to the nail tech—her name was Claire—who spoke more French than English. Anne Maria hated French class, but apparently, it came in handy. First her trip to Paris during All Stars, and now, well, _now_.

She and Lightning squabbled over what color he’d paint his nails. He didn’t want the guys on his football team to crack jokes about it (it’d been different with Lindsay because that polish had washed off within the week). Anne Maria, on the other hand, adamantly believed manicures were a _waste_ if you only got clear polish.

Before it could escalate into Anne Maria callin’ Brick or Zoey—yes, she’d stoop that low—for their opinions, they settled on a compromise: Lightning’d get clear polish on his hands and colored on his toes. And they pinky swore on it, just to make it official. Claire was kinda miffed about the pinky swear, just ‘cause it involved Lightning waving his hand around. Definitely breaking protocol.

Anne Maria snapped a photo as Claire painted gloss onto Lightning’s nails.

“Who’re you sending that to, babe?” Lightning asked curiously.

_Babe. Nice touch_. “No one special, _honeypie_.” She posted it to her private story and then sent it separately to the Revenge group chat. “Just our entire friend group.”

“They’re gonna be so sha-jealous.” Lightning’s confident nod caused his glasses to slide a teensy bit too far down the bridge of his nose. “Aw, dang.”

“I gotcha, doll.” Anne Maria leaned over and slid them back up to a comfortable position.

Claire moved on to his toes: right foot blue, left foot gold. While Claire worked, Anne Maria and Lightning talked about college. Only last month she’d committed to a university in New York. Best part was she’d be spendin’ more time with her Jersey friends. Lightning, on the other hand, was jugglin’ scholarship offers from several different universities.

“Well hey, if you can’t make up your mind, come down to the states,” Anne Maria said. “Might be overpriced as heck, but at least _I’m_ there.”

“Yeah, that’d totally be fun,” Lightning agreed. For a moment Anne Maria wasn’t sure if they were jokin’ around or not.

“ _Fini_ ,” Claire announced.

That meant it was Anne Maria’s turn. She hopped into the seat and splayed her fingers so Claire could get to work. For Lightning’s sake, she’d decided to forego acrylics and just get her regular nails painted. That way he wouldn’t be waiting for a whole hour.

The look was simple: fuchsia with gold stripes on her ring finger. Lightning wasn’t the only one who liked a lil’ sparkle. Plus, the extra stripe was somethin’ she couldn’t properly paint on by herself, which made shellin’ out money to the salon worth it.

That made sense, right?

She and Lightning talked some more while Claire worked. Apparently, Scott was makin’ comments in the chat. As expected. Anne Maria was sure Jo would’ve joined in if not for the fact she was out on her rock climbin’ date. Brick was once again savin’ the day, and he didn’t even know it.

Anne Maria’s phone buzzed with the specific vibration she’d set for her school friends’ group chat. She nodded at it. “Can you check that, sweetheart?” It seemed like a couple-y thing to do, to keep up the charade. Also, it’s not like she had anything to hide in her messages.

Lightning took her phone and she told him the password. “What’s the gossip, hmm?”

He angled her phone so she could read it.

Crystal: _Anne Maria im in the bathroom rn what did u just post on ur story??_

Dana: _Queen u didnt tell us u were seeing a guy!!_

Beatrix: _OMG i just saw ur story_

Beatrix: _is it serious?_

“Oops.” Anne Maria tossed her head back to laugh a little. “Totally forgot to tell them about you. That’s on me.”

“Lightning’s got this, don’t worry!” His fingers were already flyin’ on her keypad.

“Hey!” If not for the fact Claire was holding on to her hands, Anne Maria would’ve swiped at him. “Don’t write anything crazy!”

“Lightning never writes crazy. He’s great at textin’!”

“And no sha-booms or sha-bams either,” Anne Maria added, watching him carefully. He was laser-focused on whateva he was typing. She liked the way his jaw set in concentration. It was kinda hot.

Come to think of it, she’d always thought Lightning was hot. And they’d had a fun outing today, right? Maybe it wasn’t so absurd if they actually started dating… oh boy, Zoey and Jo would _lose it_ if she and Lightning became a bonafide item.

She obviously couldn’t broach the subject in front of Claire—not unless she wanted to risk losin’ the couples’ discount—but afterward, she’d suggest it. One hot person plus a second hot person equals one unstoppable power couple.

As she watched, Lightning sent a text to the chat. He looked up and met her gaze, a self-satisfied smirk on his face. “I told them we met in Germany over the summer!”

…

Nevermind. She wasn’t a nerd or anythin’, but she couldn’t date someone who, after six months, still couldn’t tell Germany and France apart.

“I picked you up in _Paris_ , you nitwhit.” Anne Maria sighed. “That ain’t Germany!”

“Same difference,” Lightning answered. “Wanna take a selfie?”

“You already _know_ I do.” Anne Maria smiled and tilted her head, everything else forgotten now that she was posin’ for a photo.

“Say sha-cheese!”

**Author's Note:**

> Lightning and Anne Maria should've vibed more in canon, they have such a fun dynamic. This was actually the first story I wrote for Love+Friendship Week, even though it's being posted on the second-to-last day. Also, fun fact, irl Suckers Punched debuted on February 13th, so, there's that.


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